“Minnesota Republicans Call for Tim Walz to Resign over Failing to Stop Fraud!” screamed the headlines this week. Turns out, Tim Walz didn’t just fail — he absolutely rebuilt the entire state’s economy on it, sources say.
Welcome to Fraudland, Minnesota’s newest taxpayer-funded tourist attraction! At the grand ribbon-cutting, Governor Walz declared, “If you can’t beat the fraud, you might as well monetize it.”
🎢 Attractions Include:
- The $7.8M Daycare Rollercoaster — sponsored by daycare violations! Ride engineers swear the loops reflect actual regulatory oversight.
- The Welfare Swirl — spin in circles while watching billions magically disappear!
- Tom Emmer’s Bumper Cars — crash into lobbyists, accountants, and anyone who says the words “audit” or “oversight.”
“I personally voted on the $9B scam,” said one unnamed Republican official — and then immediately filed a complaint to get his money back from Fraudland tickets. “At least this way kids get cotton candy out of it.” Fake cotton candy, but still.
Fraudland’s official mascot, a giant smiling calculator named Billy Baloney, reportedly dances to a theme song composed by the Minnesota Office of Budget Whimsy — lyrics include “Show me the fraud, show me the fraud, show me the billions!”
International visitors are expected from as far as Wisconsin and that one guy from Canada who heard about this online once. Local critics, including a purple inflatable tube man outside the capitol, argue Fraudland makes light of serious issues. But Walz staffers responded, “It’s satire… but like, government satire,” then promptly took a $500 catering budget for celebratory tater tots.
Concluding the festivities, Governor Walz unveiled the world’s first “Fraud Freeze” — an ice sculpture of every unaccounted dollar — which immediately melted, because, you know, Minnesota weather and state accounting principles.
