Major media outlets reassured Americans this week that inflation is no longer a problem, despite groceries costing roughly the same as a small used sedan. According to experts, prices haven’t gone up — Americans just haven’t adjusted their thinking.
“Inflation is largely a vibes issue,” explained one economic analyst while reporting live from a studio filled with catered food. “If you stop expecting to afford eggs, eggs stop being expensive.”
Several networks emphasized that while prices are higher, that’s actually a good thing because it encourages Americans to grow spiritually, financially, and possibly their own vegetables in a 400-square-foot apartment.
One anchor clarified, “When milk costs $7, it’s not inflation — it’s a reflection of milk’s lived experience.”
Economists aligned with the administration released a helpful chart showing inflation declining sharply when measured against theoretical prices from an alternate universe where policy decisions have no consequences. “By our models,” one expert said, “inflation is basically imaginary — like affordable housing.”
The White House also urged Americans to stop comparing current prices to those from 2019, calling such comparisons “dangerously nostalgic.” A spokesperson warned that remembering lower costs could lead to unrealistic expectations and unauthorized optimism.
Shoppers, however, appeared unconvinced. “I used to fill my cart for $100,” said one father of three. “Now I fill my cart with regret.”
Media personalities were quick to correct him. “That’s not regret,” one said. “That’s growth.”
Several outlets suggested inflation feels worse because Americans are buying “too much food” and should consider alternatives such as intermittent fasting, government-approved protein substitutes, or simply believing harder.
A panel discussion later concluded that inflation statistics look excellent when Americans stop purchasing essentials altogether. “If you don’t buy groceries, prices don’t affect you,” one panelist noted proudly. “That’s math.”
Final Punchline: Officials say the economy is stronger than ever — and if Americans still feel broke, it’s only because their wallets haven’t yet learned to trust the process.
