SPACE LASERS? NO, SPACE DIVERSITY COUNCILS
Lockheed Martin announced they’re preparing space-based missile interceptors by 2028 — because nothing says “peace through strength” like orbiting DEI panels with Wi-Fi.
'KUMBAYA' TECHNOLOGY TO THE RESCUE
Sources say the interceptors may include “non-lethal kinetic strikes,” which experts confirm is Pentagon code for "throwing a wrench at it and hoping for the best."
GOLDEN DOME OR GOLDEN DUMB?
The system will integrate with Trump’s legendary Golden Dome, which Democrats insisted be renamed “The Mildly Upsetting Umbrella of Inclusion.”
QUOTE OF THE YEAR
“We’re exploring lasers, kinetic satellites, and good vibes,” said Amanda Pound, whose last name ironically describes what hypersonics will do to L.A. without this tech.
MAGA HITS ORBIT
While liberals hold bake sales for climate change, Trump’s Golden Dome is preparing to vaporize incoming communism — from space. 2028 can’t come soon enough.
