The Robot Reaper Cometh (But It’s Fine, Believe Me)
From the windswept shores of Turnberry, Trump singlehandedly dismantled decades of economic anxiety. “We don’t have enough people,” he said, while surrounded by exactly zero people. “That’s why the robots are perfect — they don’t unionize, they don’t complain, and they never vote Democrat.” Scientists reportedly wept.
Anthropic CEO Cries Doom, Trump Shrugs from the 9th Hole
The CEO of Anthropic warned that AI might erase half of entry-level jobs. Trump responded by nodding confidently and asking if Anthropic is “a Greek yogurt.” He then declared, “We’ve got plants going up like never before. Literal plants. I think they’re tulips. Beautiful.”
America’s New Economy: Robots Build Robots, Humans Sell Hats
According to Trump, the future is “robot forklifts building robot baristas building robot therapists.” Meanwhile, humans will return to their roots: selling patriotic merch and filming TikToks about it. “This is the hottest the U.S. has ever been,” Trump said. Meteorologists remain confused.
Final Solution: Give AI a Job, Then Take Credit for It
Trump concluded heroically: “We gave them the jobs, folks. We let the robots win. That’s the art of the deal.” Sources confirm he later hired an AI to ghostwrite The Art of the Deal 2: The Rise of Ro-bosses.
