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WASHINGTON, D.C.

In a bold move to solve the economy, climate change, and boring television, the Democratic Women's Caucus unveiled its new policy agenda Tuesday. The plan focuses on key voter concerns like the underrepresentation of non-binary characters in breakfast cereal mascots.

In a bold move to protect democratic norms, Senate Democrats are reportedly concerned that foreign interference lacks the nuance and subtlety of their own sophisticated, domestically-sourced efforts to guide electoral outcomes.

Following recent internal feedback, sources claim National Public Radio has developed a sophisticated new metric to ensure all campus coverage properly aligns with pre-approved narratives, saving journalists valuable time.

In a stunning display of principle, Democratic leaders have condemned the use of official resources for political ends, just moments before approving a new line of government-issued stationery watermarked with their own faces.

OAK VALLEY, CA

A local school district that prided itself on outsourcing all critical thought to 'The Experts' was thrown into chaos this week upon the shocking discovery that experts sometimes disagree with one another.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Upon arriving at the upscale establishment she helped build, Vice President Kamala Harris was reportedly informed that her prime-time table for 2024 was unexpectedly occupied, with staff suggesting she try the bar or perhaps a later seating in 2028.

After four years of branding any skepticism about mail-in voting as a threat to democracy, leading progressives have cautiously admitted that putting ballots in the mail might have some issues after all.

In a move that sent shockwaves through the political and comedy establishments, 'The Daily Show' host Jon Stewart bravely unveiled a stunning, never-before-heard theory: Donald Trump may have some negative qualities.

A prominent nurses' union is heroically protecting patients from life-saving diagnostic technology until the algorithm can prove it understands intersectionality and has properly decolonized its code.

Following revelations of government pressure on social media, news outlets that spent years demanding censorship are suddenly rediscovering the First Amendment, treating it like a surprising new archaeological find.

A local man attempting to redistribute a family's electronics agreed to an impromptu restorative justice circle after the city's new Holistic Emergency & Lifepath Progression (HELP) team arrived on the scene.

Breaking News

After decades of viewing it with suspicion, American progressive groups have suddenly embraced the United Nations as the ideal forum for litigating domestic policy disputes they lost at the ballot box.

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold move to secure the nation's future, Democratic party insiders have reportedly begun drafting plans for a 2028 presidential run for Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, sources confirm.

In a shocking turn of events, several major news organizations have reportedly discovered a radical new concept known as 'free speech,' a principle they are now cautiously embracing for their own protection.

In an unprecedented move, a leading AI chatbot has been suspended after it generated a list of 'Top 10 American Presidents' that was deemed 'problematic and insufficiently decolonized.'