Articles

Spain Proposes NATO Membership That Includes Everything Except NATO

European leaders unveil a defense plan requiring America to protect everyone while apologizing for existing. Read More.

Senator Accidentally Starts International Incident by Wearing Wrong Soccer Jersey

Political fashion experts declare every sports jersey a constitutional crisis after one outfit sparks nationwide outrage. Read More.

Experts Warn Patriotism May Trigger Severe Outbreak of Outdoor Happiness

Federal sensitivity experts unveil emergency guidance after Americans accidentally enjoy flags, flyovers, and grilled food. Read More.

New York Declares Air Conditioner Thermostats Officially Responsible for Climate Change

After calls for residents to raise thermostat settings, officials unveil a bold plan asking summer to cooperate with city policy. Read More.

Supreme Court Issues New Ruling Requiring Bureaucrats to Read the Constitution First

After another court clash over executive authority, Washington agencies reportedly begin panic-buying pocket Constitutions they never planned to open. Read More.

Paris Blames American Air Conditioners for Europe’s Heat, Thermometers Apologize

French officials reportedly discover U.S. freedom is responsible for rising temperatures, while thermostats rush to enroll in climate sensitivity classes. Read More.

Supreme Court Declares Reality Still Exists, Activists Demand Emergency Recount

After another high-profile Supreme Court ruling, advocacy groups reportedly insist reality itself must undergo mandatory sensitivity training. Read More.

Climate Experts Declare Heat Waves Officially Caused by American Barbecue Grills

After another summer scorcher, global experts unveil a groundbreaking report blaming suburban cookouts for weather patterns worldwide. Read More.

Progressive Coalition Launches Emergency Task Force to Protect Facts from Voters

After another week of inconvenient headlines, political strategists unveil a bold new plan to shield facts from unsuspecting citizens. Read More.

New Government Office Opens to Study Why Bureaucracy Keeps Creating More Bureaucracy

Federal officials launch another agency to investigate government growth, immediately hiring 900 administrators to oversee it. Read More.

Democrats Declare Bible Stories Unsafe After Kids Start Recognizing Heroes

Education leaders panic as students begin identifying courage, truth, and personal responsibility after hearing Bible stories. Read More.

City Launches Luxury Waiting List So Everyone Can Experience Equality Together

Officials unveil a revolutionary economic plan where prosperity is delayed equally, except for the planners running it. Read More.

Bureaucrats Declare Constitution "Problematic" After It Refuses Latest Software Update

Government agencies reportedly place the Constitution into "legacy mode" after another Supreme Court ruling interrupts their favorite shortcuts. Read More.

Washington Opens Office of Election Feelings After Citizenship Debate Gets Uncomfortable

Officials unveil a new bureaucracy dedicated to protecting political emotions from exposure to inconvenient election questions. Read More.

Education Department Opens Investigation Into Students Accidentally Learning Something

Federal investigators rush to examine reports that several classrooms may have prioritized education over fashionable ideology. Read More.