Articles

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Government Promises Complete Transparency Immediately After Hiding Transparency From Everyone
Officials reassure citizens they have every right to know the truth, provided nobody ever actually sees it. Read More.
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Medical School Introduces New Anatomy: Merit Located Somewhere Behind Feelings
University unveils groundbreaking admissions formula proving grades are merely colonial suggestions with excellent posture. Read More.
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Government Launches Department of Affordable Price Tags to Lower Healthcare Costs
Officials unveil a bold new healthcare affordability plan by making expensive bills easier to read before patients faint. Read More.
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Experts Warn New AI Model May Soon Demand Emotional Support Therapist
As AI subscriptions surge worldwide, officials insist the real crisis is making sure chatbots feel “seen” before answering questions. Read More.
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Media Launches Emergency Fact-Check Hotline After Trump's Election Speech
Newsrooms reportedly deploy therapists and extra coffee after another election speech forces journalists to distinguish reporting from hyperventilating. Read More.
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EU Announces Refugees Must Now Be Refugees, Not Just Vacationing Warriors
Brussels unveils a revolutionary refugee policy requiring military-age men to be somewhere near their own military, shocking bureaucracy everywhere. Read More.
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Major Media Outlet Confirms It Will Begin Reporting Both Sides
In a shocking development, a leading news organization vows to experiment with presenting multiple perspectives for at least one news cycle. Read More.
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White House Launches New Task Force to Define What “Is” Means
Officials unveil a groundbreaking initiative to clarify basic language as Americans struggle to keep up with evolving definitions. Read More.
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Meta Introduces Compassionate AI Layoffs That Fire Employees Before Feelings Develop
Meta's latest AI controversy inspires satire imagining layoffs optimized to spare emotions by eliminating humans before meetings begin. Read More.
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Congress Passes Permanent Daylight Saving Time to Give Bureaucracy One Extra Hour
Lawmakers promise permanent Daylight Saving Time will finally solve everything from inflation to bad attitudes by extending government optimism. Read More.
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Congress Announces Emergency Task Force to Investigate Why Americans Read Bills
Lawmakers vow to restore confidence after citizens begin noticing what's actually inside thousand-page legislation. Read More.
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Experts Warn National Outrage Reserve Running Dangerously Low Before Tuesday
America launches emergency effort to replenish outrage supply after citizens accidentally enjoy one peaceful afternoon online. Read More.
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Washington Unveils Federal Office of Explaining Obvious Things to Bureaucrats
As agencies launch another major investigation, officials create a new department dedicated to translating common sense into government language. Read More.
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Democrats Launch Nationwide Background Check for Their Own Moral Outrage
After another campaign implosion, party leaders reportedly unveil a new screening process to ensure future scandals are discovered before Election Day. Read More.
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NPR Launches “Presidential Portrait Support Group” for Passport Holders
A fictional counseling program helps travelers emotionally process seeing presidents inside government-issued passports. Read More.
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